Tonight my room is filled with bugs. A molasses brown cockroach has been ambling back and forth along the wall opposite my bed for the past half hour and I am extremely curious as to what she is looking/waiting for. I used to be terrified of roaches before I realised the sheer irony of despising something I share a name with and came to the conclusion that I probably have a lot more in common with them than I think. I've been listening to Shonen Knife's cover of When You Sleep by My Bloody Valentine which makes me want to weep hot wet tears and grin from ear to ear. I've decided to declare it my new January manifesto. I love it so much I want to die listening to it. If by any chance you are reading this after I have passed, please play it at my funeral.
Another image to contemplate: The other week I went down to the women's ocean pool near my house. In the middle of the pool an old, topless woman floats calmly on her back. The downpour of sunlight, the blue water lapping at her ribs, her lily-pad breasts. My whole body shudders with the weight of all the beauty in the world. All of the weightlessness.
I feel as if I spent 2015 clawing myself back into the sunlight. my body flush against the ground, ants under my nose my hipbones and elbows and chin grazing the dirt. This year I think I would like to float like that woman in the pool, on my back and be utterly weightless. I will write more, I will listen to Shonen Knife and I will practice the under-appreciated virtue of lying on the ground (Lying on the ground is one of life's finer pleasures and I firmly believe that everyone should lie on the ground for at least 10 minutes a day, every day.)
Right. That's it for today. The cockroach has crawled onto my bookcase. I have just remembered that I have run out of my medication. It is nearly the 2nd of January.
yours, Perri
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